Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
