how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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