Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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