My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize