There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Screwed.edu
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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