I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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