puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We are two peas in an std pod
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
