We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
