i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
