I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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