planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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