he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
