is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
