Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
