we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
