I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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