well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
