I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
