and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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