Me too!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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