I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
