I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
