barbara walters just said penis...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
