im six kinds of drunk right now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
