You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
