I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
