Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
