me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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