I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
