I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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