That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
