bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
