Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
