Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
