Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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