I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
