you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
