I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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