i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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