Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
