ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
