you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
