pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
