Can i not drive my cunt home
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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