What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
