i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am available for nakedness
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
