The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
