i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
