I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
