will power is for people who don't want to get laid
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
