If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
