After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
