Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
