Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
