You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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