she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
