Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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