god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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